As I embarked on my teaching career, I had thoughts of things that I hoped, but doubted, would happen: winning the national Teacher of the Year, having students make spectacular gains (like 10 years worth) or getting a visit from Ed McMahon bearing a giant check (prior to his death, of course, although I can't say that I would turn a zombie Ed McMahon with a giant check away).
I thought of things that I hoped would never happen: having a student arrive with obvious signs of abuse, being accused of something I didn't do or showing up to work in only my underwear.
It was during my second year of teaching 6th graders that I learned that there are somethings for which you simply can't prepare. There I was, standing at the front of the room, you know, teaching, when I saw Ashley* licking her shoe.
So I did what any self-respecting teacher would do, I asked her what she was doing.
Me: What are you doing?!?
Ashley: (looking at me as though I was an idiot) Licking my shoe.
Me: (stammering) Why?!?
Ashley: (speaking to me as though I was an idiot) It's dirty.
Me: (speechless)
Teaching is many things, but one thing it is not is dull. Just ask Ashley, if you can get the shoe out of her mouth long enough to answer.
*Name changed to protect the immaturely disgusting or the disgustingly immature.
